"Jonathan Toews is so hot"
2. Sid Crosby’s blandness
The ability of the greatest player in the world to say absolutely nothing is well-known at this point, but the lengths to which he’s gone in recent weeks has frankly been astonishing, even by his own high standards.
One of the few times he ever really shows emotion is when he’s dealing with a player he genuinely doesn’t like. Steve Downie used to be able to count himself among that elite group, but now that he’s on the Penguins, all has apparently been forgotten:
“He’s on your team now, and he has a job to do. He had a job to do when he played for other teams. I think everybody understands that.”
I mean, that’s pretty vanilla even by Crosby standards, but let’s see if we can top it. We can, you say?
So Bob McKenzie has what is supposed to be a pretty great book coming out within the next few weeks, and Crosby gave him a quote for the book jacket. It is amazing:
“Bob McKenzie has been around the game for a long time. His knowledge and insight comes from passion and experience. His behind-the-scenes stories will be of interest to all hockey fans.”
Just remarkable. Let’s fisk this and see exactly how little Crosby says. All three sentences are pretty much just statement of fact: Bob McKenzie has been around a long time, check. He knows a lot about the game because he cares about it, check. He knows a lot of interesting stuff fans do not.
Ryan Lambert’s Puck Daddy Power Rankings
That is some damn fine media training. Like it’s so good, it’s looped from bland to kind of hilarious.
teen wolf: ” … the fans read too much into the details,”
*has 5 person meeting about a leather jacket*
Jeff Davis: We were just hoping that you wouldn’t notice Malia’s complete lack of character development and the fact that she goes from child to coyote to high school student taking the PSATs and sharing a math class with supposed genius Lydia.
Show: What do you mean the props said that Malia was 13? Shhhhh. Shhhh. Stop zooming in on things, you overthinkers. Here, have more slow mo and maybe another ten villains. Shhhhhhh. Flashy blood spray. Wasn’t that neat?
Show: Nah we wanted Lydia in a relationship with the hot new deputy so she’s 18 now even though she’s a genius, a junior in high school (?), and we made a huge deal about Allison feeling weird about turning 17 and being so much older than everyone else in her class. BUT ISN’T MARRISH ADORABLE???
Show: Oh my god stop freaking out about Eichen House and its irresponsible, disgusting portrayal of issues like mental health and suicide, this is a show about werewolves it’s not meant to be realistic.
Show: We LOVE gay people! Here’s a joke about not being gay! Here’s an entire scene set up to dismiss and make fun of the idea that Stiles might be bi! Danny’s a fan favorite? First we’ll joke about killing him off, then he’ll just disappear from the show completely without ever being mentioned again. But loook we gave you a new gay character who can hang out in the background and make occasional snarky comments and be best friends with the new pretty white boy. Why aren’t you happy?
Show: This season’s going to be about girl power. Lydia, Malia, and Kira are going to be BEST FRIENDS. They’re going to be badass and bond with each other. HAHAHA no just kidding it’s more fun when they hook up with guys and don’t experience character development on their own. Hang on, calm down, Lydia will get there, we just had to age her up first, remember? Don’t you want her to be happy? (Hint: that’s only possible with a man in her life.)
SHOW: Hmmm, you liked Braeden when she was the mysterious, possible druid who saved Isaac’s life? Okay, we’ll bring her back. We’ll give her weapons and some leather and make her extra badass and cool. And theeeen since you responded to that glimpse, we’ll strip her down to her underwear and have her spend all her time in bed with Derek instead of doing her job or having any real relevance to the action. Also, those powers that allowed her to brand the bank’s logo onto Allison’s and Lydia’s arms? Ummm….we forgot about that? Sorry.
Jeff Davis: But wait, does Kira look sexier in the jacket or out of the jacket when she’s making out with The Teen Wolf? Let’s talk about this and also take some photographs talking about it so we can look thoughtful and attentive to detail.
YOU HAVE VANQUISHED ME, MIGHTY BEAST
Cub: DAD STOP
Cub: DAD OH MY GOD
Lion: REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE…
|—||Soraya Chemaly, School Dress Codes: The Funny-Not-Funny Video You Have to See (via joffi)|
Uhhhhh, look at that line of Saad-Shaw-Kane. Every time I think that I’m properly appreciative of Kaner’s hockey…damn, son.
Even better than the sharp-toews-kane line. AND the sharp-toews-hossa first line.
I mean, smaller sample size and all, but damn. Bring back the mutt and the mullets!
I can’t wait to see stats for the saad-richards-kane line. They will almost definitely outperform everyone else.
I like the fact that you can see the shockwave go through the clouds.
I feel closer to you. That’s what happens when you let people in.
Patrick Kane makes a new friend